1. Don't go in the winter.
2. Bring lots of money.
3. Stay for a week or less.

Everyone asks why I went in December. To which I reply, to celebrate the millennium! And then they understand my rationale. What they won't understand is how trying of a time it was for me during my first trip overseas. Sure, I had brushed up on my seven years of high school French, and admittedly it came in much more handy than it did in Montréal. Yes, I did see the Eiffel Tower light up in a breathtaking... 10 minute display. What no one else seems to have experienced is the life lesson I did during the worst storms Europe had seen in 50 years. Harsh wind and continual freezing rain combined with staying in a hostel for two weeks did not do my health well. Two months after my return, I was wrongly diagnosed with tuberculosis. Luckily it only ended up being pneumonia.

What I did experience in France was the beauty of the Musée d'Orsay contrasted by the degradation of Picasso shown in his namesake museum as he fell from a revolutionary artist to a sick old bastard. I met some brilliant people from Australia, China, and Japan that lifted my spirits somewhat after an angry owner threw me out of his café because I only wanted a sandwich. I learned how rotten even my treasured chocolat chaud and croissants can become if that is what you eat everyday. Only since living in New York have I again been able to stomach another hot dog since I lived off of Parisian street vendors when I was broke after losing my ATM card in an out-of-service machine on Sunday. There is a wealth of things to do and see, but don't go alone or stay for more than a week. There is simply too much else out in the world.

I wouldn't be surprised if one day I ended up as an expatriate like so many famous authors, but it won't be in France, and as you can tell from this site, I probably won't be an author either.

Oh, and whatever you do, don't drink an Orangina after having a sugar crêpe.